suprise summer

This summer is.......wow, lets just say it'll be one for the books. I have been so busy and it's only half way over!

One of the things I have loved most about this summer is how I have been constantly surprised. I have discovered old friends that I now hold dear and treasure and found new friends I hope to have for years to come. I've decided to create a new goal for my future and take myself a bit more serious (yeah, who saw that coming?).

I'm so stoked about what's to come! Who knows the amazingness that God's got worked up and I'm just hoping that I'll be open to what's to come.

dude hug

So I've been craving a "dude hug". You know, a guy hug. One of those big bear hugs where you feel safe and warm and cared about. You just kinda lay your head on his chest, arms around his waist and breath deep. I just think they are so comfortable and....well, just plain nice.
I need to find a guy that won't think this hug will lead to other things or assume I want anything more. Just a nice, big "dude hug" is all I'm lookin' for.

elephant butt mouth

So, to my adoring readers and fans (all four of you!) I once again have the need to type.

Today's topic: Getting sick
Yeah, ok it's not that much fun. But I feel like crap right now and want go get some feed back. So I've got that achy body feeling, my head doesn't quite feel like it's up to snuff and my mouth tastes like an elephant's butt. So I have no idea what an elephant's butt tastes like, but you know that taste right?! When you're mouth is kinda dry and you can't quite get rid of the bleh taste.
How does my body know when it's finals/packing to go home time? Grr, so what is the quickest way to jump over this? It's still in the early stages but I'm prone to fall of the edge quickly. Ideas, home remedies, miracle elixirs, your grandmothers advice...I'm up for it all. W

What do you do to get over a cold/being sick?

busy, crazy

Whelp kids, it's been a while since I've blogged and I felt the call once again to put my thoughts to paper....well I guess it would actually be a blog page, but that's beside the point.

The past few weeks have been crazy and I feel like I can't quite catch my breath. I'm a huge procrastinator (part of the reason this blog got started) so finals week, and the few weeks proceeding it, are a killer time for me. Projects and papers that should have been done or at least worked on are now just being remembered and frantically worked on. I skipped bible study the other night to work on stuff just to have my computer crash on me, hindering me from any further work.

I'm waiting for that moment when I feel centered. That time when I'm not worried or anxious. I'm hoping it will find me this weekend.

This weekend I'm going on a retreat. Leaving campus, leaving my homework, my papers, my projects, and hopefully my worries. This is a time to focus on God and His will for me and my team members. God is capable of crazy, amazing things and I have no doubt that He will be at work this weekend. Guess I'll be posting an update when I get back.

Matthew 6:34

"So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. " Matthew 6:34

I tend to worry. About what? you may ask. Well pretty much anything. I think I get it from my dad. He's a big worry wart (where did that saying come from anyway? it's kinda gross). So now I'm worried about grades, getting projects and papers done on time. Making sure grades get to where they need to be to insure I will be here another year. Worrying about getting enough money raise so I can go on an amazing mission trip to Kenya this summer. Trying to decide how much I can actually work with all the other activities I want to help with and if I should work more and get more money than help out with the other things. Worry worry worry. And about what? Myself. I am such a truly selfish person. I'm so worried about this summer and next year, but it all has to do with me. My needs, my money, my future, MY plans. I have a hard time stopping and asking God His thoughts first. Praying about jobs or trips or camps before jumping in head first.

I get Bible verses sent to my e-mail everyday from Air1.com (Christian radio station based out of Seattle, WA) and the verse from Matthew was in my inbox this morning, just waiting for me to open it. "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries". I love a verse a few lines up from this one, Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" He asks a legit question here. "Are you not much more valuable than they?" And we are. We don't deserve to be, but God holds us to a higher standard.

Worrying gets me no where and can, in most cases, make things worse. But it is so hard just to give it all to God and be like, "Here ya go! Let me know when You get things figured out." I want to fix things myself. So I worry about how that can be done. God can do it. He can fix it. And from what I gather, He's pretty good at it too. Giving it up and releasing it to Him sounds impossible to me right now. But to quote a movie I saw way to much of in high school staring Whitney Houston and Brandy, "impossible things are happening everyday". So where do I start? Saying you'll give all your worries to God and actually doing it are two totally different things. I really have nothing to lose, except maybe a few worry lines.

my light

Have you ever noticed that flowers go toward the sun? You know bend, twist, and turn to reach the source of its happiness. Well I assume sun makes flowers happy, they don't readily bloom in the darkness. And not only flowers, but trees, birds, bees, all living things are affected by the light.

We need to be like flowers. I need to be like the tulips on my window sill, reaching and bending to the source of my happiness. Physically moving myself, my whole self to face the source of my light, my God.

I so often like to hide in the dark. Darkness offers cover. It can hide all of your flaws, making everything equal, everything the same in the blackness. It gives the illusion of making things beautiful. Think of a city. During the day there is nothing special about it. Buildings cramped up next to each other, the same color palate moving through out the city. But then night falls and things change. What was once a boring, Plain Jane city as turned into a shinning star. Lights from in and outside of the buildings illuminate the windows making each one a unique little star. The lights mixing with the darkness cover the blemishes of the city and highlight it's strengths. And then the morning comes and erases all the images you thought you had of the city. Showing you all the ugly and unsightly parts you tried to forget in midst of the dark.

But the light...oh the light bring life with it. Nothing good or worth while prospers in the night. Light shows us who we really are, it shows us who we can be all the time with out the illusion of the darkness.

So my goal this week is to be the light. To shine so brightly that the world has no choice but to look. I'll need a little help to keep it bright, but the more of us that shine together the brighter and more brilliant our light becomes.

name change

I've been thinking about this for a while and I've come to the decision that.......(drum roll)........ I'm changing the name of my blog. I've never really liked the name, the first or the second one and I'm ready to make the change.

The first, "no time to close my eyes" was a reference to the fact that I couldn't sleep last semester (and maybe a slight reference to twilight, but that's beside the point) and then "blueberry pop-tarts" comes from the simple fact that I LOVE blueberry pop-tarts. But I have a feeling this is just another craze. One of those things where I get a craving for something, eat it/read it/watch it/etc. to the point where I question the reason for my cravings. Both titles represent passing fads in my life. And yes, this is just a blog but I want to accurately represent myself here. Thus, the need for a name change.

So, what's the new name? you ask. "starlight, starr bright" catch, huh?! I really like this new one. I hope you will too and if ya want, I can explain the reason for it but I'd rather have you guess. Hope you like it!

slow day at work will do this to ya

So I'm bored at work and don't want to do anything that needs to be done. Time for a fun blog! I stole something from facebook (yes, I'm an avid facebooker) so here is something to get to know me a bit better.

It's the I-Pod shuffle! (But I don't have an I-Pod so my mp3 player will have to do)

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY,” YOU SAY?
Without Expression-John Mellencamp

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCIRBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Leap of Faith-Sanctus Real (true that!)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Crumblin' Down-John Mellencamp

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Addicted-Simple Plan

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Small Town-John Mellencamp

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
One Step Up-Kenny Chesney

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Decode-Paramore (Twilight soundtrack)

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Jesus Hurry-Rush of Fools (hhmmm, I didn't think that until now)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Munchkinland Musical-Wizard of Oz (wow, now that's funny)

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
If I Fell-Evan Rachel Wood (Across The Universe Soundtrack)

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Line of Fire-Journey

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LOVE?
Stay Awhile-Journey

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Friend Like That-Hawk Nelson

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
One Short Day-Wicked (guess I'm not going to make it long)

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LOVE?
Giving You All Control-Jeremy Camp

16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Innocent-Stellar Kart (hhhmmmm)

17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
What's This- Jack Skellington (Nightmare Before Christmas)

18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Island-Mainstay

19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
How Sweet It Is- Michael Buble

20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I Remember-Kenny Chesney

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Everything Glorious-David Crowder Band

22. WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Go Square Go- Glasvegas

23. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Polmont On My Mind-Glasvegas

24. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
My Fortress- Jeremy Camp

25. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Two Ways Out-Darker My Love

26. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
This is Halloween- Citizens of Halloween Town (Nightmare B4 X-mas)

27. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
A Sentimental Man- Wicked (but I won't)

I'm thinking my player doesn't shuffle well.

the gift i've been given

So with Valentine's Day in the not so distance past, my head is still realing with different things I have learned about love and being single.

First off, yesterday was amazing (well the later part). I had an amazing night hanging out with some girlfriends, eating chocolate fondue and watching a movie. It was just a great night to hang out and be girly. Not looking at the fact that I'm single with not immediate prospects of a relationship, but I'll talk about that later.

Then there was church this morning. I went with some of the girls I was with last night. The sermon today (tho not planed that way) was on being single. The pastor talked about how being single is a gift from God, yeah a gift not a curse! How those of us who are single can be used to the fullest by God to do His work fully, without the worries of the world weighing down our heads and our hearts. I love that idea. I rarely think of my singleness as a gift or as anything positive for that mater. In this society it is often perceived that a woman's value is hinged on whether or not she has a man. I have often felt a tinge of jealousy when I see my couple friends together and then when all the couples I knew of were getting engaged, let me tell you I had to take a step back to take a good look at my life. Except I was seeing it through tinted glasses. I was comparing my life to theirs. Judging the value of my accomplishments to that of those around me. And finding I've come up short.

Am I dumb or what?! For goodness sake, I can't compare myself to them! I can not base my personal value on those around me. And that's what I've come to except, though I am not fully there yet, I falter now and then but who doesn't? I am a gift from God and my boyfriend status, or lack there of, is also a gift. I believe that God knows what He's doing and I should just roll with it cause anything I try to do on my own just won't cut it. So I'm coming to the conclusion that, while I feel in my heart God has someone for me, He must have something He wants me to do before I walk down the aisle. My heart should be filled with God before anything else can find a position in it.

So what am I going to do with this new found knowledge? I hope to make a change in my outlook. So that next time I see a friend flash the engagement ring my way I will be full of happiness, not only for her but for me and the fact I can run to South America and do a mission trip on a whim without checking with my significant other first. Ok, so I doubt that will happen, but I have that freedom, she on the other hand does not. I will look to God to fill my heart and not a boy or a new pair of shoes. I'll go with God's plan for my future and try not to get distracted with my own ideas and plans. He's got this in the bag, I just need to let go and dig in.

little things

I have been wanting/needing a pet since last year. Originally I was going to get a chinchilla. First off, too expensive. Second, they can live for up to twenty years (not quite ready for that long of a commitment). Third, they are very skittish and takes a long time for them to get used to their human.

So last week I decided to acquire two mice. Mice live better in pairs, and most often than not females are the only options when buying them because they are more mild tempered. I fell in love with two black and white fur balls that were asleep in the corner of the cage. They were curled up together and I thought they might be friends or at lest liked each other enough to curl up with each other for a nap. They were it, hands down.

Lulu and Birdie have come to show me their personalities, their quirkiness and their heart (and yes, I believe that's possible). But that past day or two Lulu has not been herself and I'm afraid she might be sick. What has surprised me was how caring Birdie has been to her. She had dug her a burrow to sleep in, lying beside her to keep her company among other things. It was so sweet.

It just struck me odd how emotions and actions that we deem to be human and unmatched in the animal kingdom have been displayed in my home by my two, very small and very furry friends. So, anywhoo. nuff about the mice. I'm just amazed by the little things. Go figure

greatest show on at 9

I love the show Psych! This amazing show on USA Network makes me giddy with excitement when I hear it is coming on.

If you're not familiar with it let me give you a run down, Sean Spencer and his business partner Gus have a psychic business that helps the local police department out with cases. Thing is, Sean (who says he is psychic) is nothing but an average guy who was well trained in observation by his police chief father.

This show may sound like a tv drama but is it far from it. Gus and Sean make a crazy good comedic team not to mention the other members of the cast. I'm a personal fan of Sean. Cute, funny, wants to help out for the greater good, cute, smart, has a crazy way with words, oh did I mention cute?

I just find it great that there are still shows on tv that are not laced with reality or cheep shooting. It's well done and one of the funniest shows I've seen in a while. New cases and focus on more than just two main characters keeps the show interesting and fun. Oh, love it! One draw back of the show is it's airing time....Friday nights at 9 (central standard time). Sooo, if you have dvr I would deffinatly recomend recording if you tend to go out a lot. Other wise, take a break from the partying and hang out at home. The witty banter and criminal base line keeps most everyone envolved. Bottom line, watch the show....oh and did I mention that Sean is super cute?

taking control

Well, I'm back at school for another semester. Have my classes lined up, got a job, my place in some organizations on campus. Everything sound great, grand and wonderful, right? Yeah, like my life would work out that well. Found out a week before class started that I have been put on academic probation.

"What does this mean?" you may ask.

Well in a nut shell it means that my grade point average was not high enough to meet university standards and they are giving me a semester to get my act together and get my GPA back up. See I transferred to this school and my cumulative GPA is decent, but if you take out the transferred grades leaving only the ones from this school, well I pretty much blew it.

Funny thing is, this is a time where I should be freaking out. I'm a Junior trying to get as many classes in as I can so I can graduate on time and get the hay-hay outta here. Being placed on academic probation puts a snare in this plan, mostly because they hold you at a 12 credit hour maximum. I should be freaking out hard core, worrying about what I'm going to do to get back on track and what will happen if I don't. Buuuttt I'm not that concerned. I mean I kinda am (my academic futures hangs in the balance), but there is no anxiety, no real stress. I'm not sure if there is something wrong with me, a switch or something that got turned off to keep me from freaking out OR if I'm getting more mature and dealing with stressful situations in a healthier way.

Or maybe, just maybe God had a hand in this. With less classes to concentrate on and worry about, I have more time. Not just time to work and do homework, but maybe other things. Maybe this semester I'm suppose to help out with something, get more involved and volunteer more. Maybe I'm suppose to take more responsibility somewhere or will have a situation that takes a lot of time. Maybe, God got tired of me making my plans and wanted to interject. Make known that He's the one in control, not me. I'm starting to get it, starting to listen a bit. I guess I needed a swift kick to the rear to get my act together. I need His help, maybe this is His way of doing just that.