Reading forward to look back

I'm currently reading the book "Here's to Hindsight" by Tara Leigh Cobble. I've had a hard time reading lately, just in one of those moods where I can't quite get into it. The story doesn't grab me or I get a chapter or two in and loose interest or find something different to read. Anyway, this is one that I've hooked onto. Partly, I think, because I have decided to start a small group/read awesome books group and this is the first book we're reading and I feel like I would be a horrible leader if I didn't read it first or at least start it.

So I've been cruising through it pretty quickly.  The author is a singer/songwriter and wrote this book in a way that you would tell a friend a story. She has some quotes from songs or people she admires, pulls stories from the bible that a relevant to phases in her life and shows not only the times when her faith was strong but also those times when she wanted to call it quits.

I just read the chapter entitled 'Newfound Friends'. In this she talked about her move to Nashville and how she was able to make a smooth transition because she made connections before she got there. She found a church and a community to be involved with and jump into which allowed her to make that change from living in her hometown to moving out and away from that comfort zone. But after a few years things change. Her friends all move into different phases of their lives, getting married, jobs and co-workers, boyfriends and regular 9 to 5's where as she is still single and a touring musician. At this point in the book she is considering moving to New York City to start a new chapter, a new phase. She had brought this up in the small group she was in and a few of her friends were hurt. They felt as if she was trading them in for new and better models in NYC. Cobble explained that that was not the case at all and that they were all in different stages in their lives and that was ok but she needed to have friends and friendships that were more than just a few hours a week. They had their families and co-workers and husband/boyfriends and it wasn't right of her to ask her friends to fill that void for her.

I repeat all of this because I feel this is very relevant to where I am at right now. I feel unsettled and restless. I can feel a change in the air but I have no idea where, when or what will happen. But I can sympathize with Cobble (to a point, I mean I'm not a touring musician or anything). My friends are all moving into different stages. Getting married, having babies, moving for new jobs or starting new relationships. It's hard to find my place within all of that. And I don't feel it's right to ask my friends to drop everything and spend more time with me.

I know I'll be here until May, but after that I'm not sure. I keep feeling this draw to move out of my comfort zone and go somewhere different. I'm itching to get out of the Midwest and even though I don't think I'm qualified for any type of 'real' job I know and trust that God won't just drop me somewhere with out a little help or lead me somewhere without rhyme or reason. It'll all get figured out and looking back I'll know exactly why I am where I am right now, it's the waiting part thats bringing me down. Well, 'here's to hindsight!'

fuel the flame

at what risk....what length would you go to help build someone up, to fuel their flame at the risk of ruining someone else?

still a girl

It's been a while.....more like 8 months, but who's counting?!

It's funny to look back and see how far my life has come. All the different changes and little decisions that led me to here, today.

A recap: Went to Kenya last summer and left my heart there (no joke).

I'm now a senior at UIS

I live w/ a three girls, two of which I now love to death

I have a furry creature named Monday

I have amazing friends that I never thought I'd have here

I am now able to tell my story of becoming a life long Christ follower

I still can't play the guitar that well

I'm now called Steve in my close circle of friends

I still give my heart over to quickly/easily but I'm getting better

I'm still random

Still strange

and still a girl

Yep, I'd say that covers it. I might fall out of my chair if someone actually reads this.

loves, A