the gift i've been given

So with Valentine's Day in the not so distance past, my head is still realing with different things I have learned about love and being single.

First off, yesterday was amazing (well the later part). I had an amazing night hanging out with some girlfriends, eating chocolate fondue and watching a movie. It was just a great night to hang out and be girly. Not looking at the fact that I'm single with not immediate prospects of a relationship, but I'll talk about that later.

Then there was church this morning. I went with some of the girls I was with last night. The sermon today (tho not planed that way) was on being single. The pastor talked about how being single is a gift from God, yeah a gift not a curse! How those of us who are single can be used to the fullest by God to do His work fully, without the worries of the world weighing down our heads and our hearts. I love that idea. I rarely think of my singleness as a gift or as anything positive for that mater. In this society it is often perceived that a woman's value is hinged on whether or not she has a man. I have often felt a tinge of jealousy when I see my couple friends together and then when all the couples I knew of were getting engaged, let me tell you I had to take a step back to take a good look at my life. Except I was seeing it through tinted glasses. I was comparing my life to theirs. Judging the value of my accomplishments to that of those around me. And finding I've come up short.

Am I dumb or what?! For goodness sake, I can't compare myself to them! I can not base my personal value on those around me. And that's what I've come to except, though I am not fully there yet, I falter now and then but who doesn't? I am a gift from God and my boyfriend status, or lack there of, is also a gift. I believe that God knows what He's doing and I should just roll with it cause anything I try to do on my own just won't cut it. So I'm coming to the conclusion that, while I feel in my heart God has someone for me, He must have something He wants me to do before I walk down the aisle. My heart should be filled with God before anything else can find a position in it.

So what am I going to do with this new found knowledge? I hope to make a change in my outlook. So that next time I see a friend flash the engagement ring my way I will be full of happiness, not only for her but for me and the fact I can run to South America and do a mission trip on a whim without checking with my significant other first. Ok, so I doubt that will happen, but I have that freedom, she on the other hand does not. I will look to God to fill my heart and not a boy or a new pair of shoes. I'll go with God's plan for my future and try not to get distracted with my own ideas and plans. He's got this in the bag, I just need to let go and dig in.